I passed the viva with minor corrections and bought Orphans by Tom Waits in celebration. He has written a song about SHINY THINGS. This makes me happy.

"I'm on a strict drug regime to keep my mind limber"
The Dude - The Big Lebowski

Viva tomorrow, and I've just about got over the ridiculousness of doing it in subfusc. Unfortunately this means that I've had to get out my dark suit. All I can say is that it was a hell of a good suit four years ago. Still, it does have that hard-bitten, slept in, newspaper man look, although I'm not really sure that this is what you want on these occasions. Annoyingly my gown went missing in circumstances that escape me last time I took Andrew to guest dinner. I think these two facts may be connected. Anyway Rosemary has kindly lent me hers, and Rosemary, in the quite possible event that you are reading this, rest assured that you are first in line for nomination for the 'Angel in human form' award this year.

"Captain Aubery: See those two weevils there? Which would you rather have?
Doctor Maturin: The one on the right, it has a clear length on t'other.
Captain Aubery: My dear doctor, did you not know? In HER MAJESTY'S NAVY, you must always chose the LESSER of the two weevils"
Master and Commander

I shall break my silence for a brief moment to say 'Happy Thanksgiving!' to all my trans-atlantic chums and reassure/warn you that my US visa application has been granted. Of course the embassy is technically US soil and so my visit on Tuesday represented my first incursion into your fine country. After the security preliminaries you go to a big waiting room and wait two hours for the application to be processed before you are interviewed. Therefore my first impression of the US is that it is a large, crowded, slightly smelly place with quite a lot of chaps leaning back on their chairs with their legs spread very far apart, presumably to display their genitals to best advantage. Actually the biggest surprise was the little stand at the end that sold coffee and sandwiches had not been taken over by Starbucks. Still, one must not judge by first impressions and I am feeling more positive than ever about this little jaunt over the ocean.

One of the differences between here and the US is that here the oral examination on your thesis is known as a viva voce examination, whereas there (and in most of the rest of the world) it is known as a defence. In some ways I like the US terminology as there are some things that I would defend my thesis against .

Things I would defend my thesis against

1. Internal examiners


2. External examiners


3. Misquotation


4. Weevils


5. Rabbits


6. Plagiarism


7. Slander


8. Victoria Beckham


9. Scientology


10. Content of a sexual nature

However there are some things where it's on its own.

Things I would not defend my thesis against

1. Coffee stains - my copy has several already


2. Fire


3. Overestimates of its significance


4. Bullets


5. Lions


6. The Mafia


7. War


8. ICBMs


9. Heartbreak


10. Deification

After all I have a several copies burnt to disc.

Today I have been blocked by bureaucracy.

Me: *submits forms to office A*

Office A: But you must have certificate from office B

Office B: You do not have certificate from office A, you must be a tool of Satan.

Me: *Pets office A*

American Embassy: Don't bring liquids dude!

Office A: *Silence*

Journal Submission guidelines: Wrong font. PWND!

Oxford chem labs: *Reactivate my card.*

Ofiice B: OMFGWTFBBQ! Tool of SATAN on the loose!

Me: *Pets Oxford chem labs*

There's other stuff going on as well. All those awaiting art. Rest assured it is in progress.

God: GET ON WITH IT!

Although the viva voce examination will undoubtably result in me being asked some really tough questions whilst wearing a very silly hat (you have to be in sub fusc). I really can't wait for it, because afterwards I will be able to actually use the title Doctor. Not all the time, that would be just poncy, but on certain occasions. I can just see myself in five years time in an absolutely terrible bar in New York at about 2.30am being informed by the bar staff 'Mr Kraken, it's time to leave', straightening up slightly and saying with as much dignity as I can muster 'It's Dr. Kraken, actually'. Then tripping over the door frame on the way out. Hopefully sammee42 and her bloke will rescue me from the gutter and sober me up enough to give the talk or whatever it is I'm there to do.

At about 4.30pm I shall find that my attempt to rejig the results section of my thesis has been successful. Or I shall run outside, scream, strip naked and hurl myself in the river.

The abstract of a thesis or paper is basically an advert to get as many
readers as possible, so they have to contain as many key words as possible.
This is the first draft of mine.


In this study we develop and test a new reduced dimensionality (RD)
approximation for the key atmospheric chemistry reaction NO_2
+ OH, and to use it to calculate the branching ratio between the
nitric acid and peroxynitrous acid products. The RD model treats the
angle of approach of the hydroxyl radical to the nitrogen dioxide
molecule, and the radial distance between the two species
explicitly, all other degrees of freedom are treated adiabatically.
Electronic structure calculations at the CASSCF(18,14) level are
used to fit a potential energy surface (PES) in these two
coordinates. We justify the use of a capture theory model to
calculate the high-pressure limit rate constant with reference to
this PES.


Within this RD model the Adiabatic Capture Centrifugal Sudden
Approximation (ACCSA) is used to calculate the high pressure limit
rate constant, which is found to be comparable with known
experimental results. Using a simple termolecular model of the
reaction scheme the overall falloff curve is calculated giving good
agreement with experimental results. The branching ratio is
estimated, by partitioning the rotationally adiabatic wavefunctions,
for the atmospherically significant temperature range of 200-400K at
20 Torr. The ACCSA calculated branching ratio is compared
experimental measurements and is found to be a considerable
underestimate.


The recently developed Wavepacket Capture Approximation (WCA), which
combines time dependent quantum scattering with capture theory, is
used to directly calculate the flow of probability density into the
wells of the PES and hence the rate constants for the two channels.
The results of the WCA show improved agreement with the experimental
measurement of the branching ratio. This suggests that, although the
adiabaticity of the wavefunction in the angular coordinate holds
approximately, there are `curve hopping' transitions that
preferentially enhance the formation of peroxynitrous acid. It is
found that there is little variation in the branching ratio with
temperature and pressure.

My thesis is pimpin' - quantum style.



In fact it is a machine of making art. Two other machines that make art are Fish and Bird . Two wheel chairs that have been fitted with motors and very simple robot brains, they interact with each other through position and motion and by dropping cards with words and numbers printed on. They can be in 3 states - positive/neutral/negative to each other and to other people. The installation was inspired by a Chinese fairy tale about a fish and a bird who fall in love but can never be together as one needs to breath in water and the other in air.