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Under a sea of honey
Attempt at a love poem made up of genuine Youtube comments

moms these days.
Way to generalize girls.
I wish I had a cat
Robot hamster!

watch this hot artist full xxx
She is very beautiful and have a realy good voice..
Gosh !!! how can pple can be so disgusting....
who goes in a swimsuit down the street.?? o.O

i think theres a male version of this but what's it name?
WATCH OUR VIDEOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
beautiful performer

She is so passionate
a bit orange..
Maaaaaan, if her skirt is any tighter, it will explode!!!
My brother says shes hot

This has been flagged as spam
Still disturbed by Tim Burton's loose adaptation of Alice in Wonderland. However have realized that Alice is played by Mia Wasikowska whose clothes keep falling off. Feel strangely drawn to this interpretation.
16th-Mar-2010 01:42 am - In which I am not even in residence
'The internet is for porn'
Avenue Q

At the weekend I went to Oxford to see some old friends. On Friday evening I met a bloke whose girlfriend was the writer in residence at the Linacre College. Since my tolerance for alcohol had decreased somewhat as a result of the quiet life I have been leading I had to be almost literally sat on to prevent me from rushing over there to read her the following poem that I had written on the train over.

Lines On Internet Pornography

I wandered like a data cloud
From server farm to server farm,
I read a comment on Youtube
Whose spelling caused me some alarm,
Then all at once I came upon
A load of really graphic porn.

A riot of ten inch monster cocks
Filled my screen from end to end
A stream of ads I could not block
Proudly showed 'explicit content'
They promised 'webcam sluts' and more
I clicked until my hand was sore.

I saw a girl who stood aside
Away from that bacchanal
The slightly pained look in her eye
As she did double anal
Convinced me it was wrong to stay
So though I looked I clicked away.

Now when I vacant pensive lie
With box of tissues near
It seems that in my mind I spy
Those images quite clear
It's just as wise men always warn
They tell us all quite solemnly 'The internet is for porn'.
The purpose of satire, it has been rightly said, is to strip off the veneer of comforting illusion and cosy half-truth. And our job, as I see it, is to put it back again.
Flanders and Swann

Entry For The Fibbing Olympics

Poetry's just lying
With a sort of meter and rhyme.
I try to keep my eye in
And do it all the time.

I had a whale for breakfast
With toast and porridge oats.
I was mugged by jesus
And a hummingbird ate my coat.

My father lives in Alcatraz
And my mother on the moon,
My brother's in the Amazon
But he'll be coming home soon.

And yet, somehow, on one small point
The truth keeps coming through
The one thing I can't lie about
The fact that 'I love you'.

8th-Mar-2010 08:12 pm - In which I am crunk
'But oh, beamish nephew, beware of the day,
If you're snark be a boojum! For then
You will softly and suddenly vanish away,
And never be met with again.'

Lewis Carrol

I wrote this in the 'hip-hop' style for a friend.

The Crab Who Loved Bling

Listen, I wanna tell you all a story about crustaceans,
At the bottom of the sea where it's dark as bleak damnation
They're living with no hope, and they can't cope
at the end of their rope on the seabed's gentle slope,
and they can't deal with the coral infestations
That blight their lives. It's such a tragedy.
See there once was this crab, and he was soft and alone
Living out on the on the sea-bed, he didn't have a home
When the dogfish came their attack was intense
He was naked and prone
All he was wanted was an instrument
To help him get some self-defense
But the fish they all laughed at him
As he scuttled for safety. Away from his tormentors
Until over by the black rockCollapse )
6th-Mar-2010 08:01 am - In which I advertize

Go straight to the website

Poetry About Stuff That is awesome

This book contains only material that is AWESOME. The cover features a dragon beheading a unicorn, before having sex with a blonde chick IN SPACE. And if you think that there exists anything more awesome than that then you are sadly mistaken.

Laugh at the finest shiny Literary Devices!

Cry at the melancholy story of the Shrimp and the Anemone!

Quiver at the eroticism of the notorious Mobius Striptease!.

Thrill at Fantastic Tales of The Tentacles From Mars!.


Just download it NOW!

Please tell your friends, pimp like a great big pimping thing. etc.
3rd-Mar-2010 10:37 am - When I am in charge
'I don't have an ego problem, well I do. But it's only really a problem for other people and they don't count'

For most people life is a long process of coming to realize that I am right about everything. I am currently compiling a list of things that will happen when I am in charge. Some that I thought of today are:

1) On trains if there are any passengers who cannot get a seat in standard class then they will automatically be 'bumped up' to first class as happens with flights. This is perfectly reasonable as train tickets are now about the same price as airline tickets, and it will encourage train companies to allocate seating between the two classes appropriately.

2) Announcers on trains will be made to attend elocution lessons in order to make the announcements less strident in tone.

3) Manual transmission cars will be banned. It is not safe to be constantly fiddling with a stick when you are supposed to be watching the road.

4) All celebrity news stories will be, by law, required to show one chart that visually represent quantitative information, thus increasing the numeracy of the nation.

5) There will be a small fine for anyone attempting to revive eighties fashions, particularly leggings.

6) Politicians will be encouraged to refer to things 'rising up' and 'thrusting forward' and other dynamic double entendres.
28th-Feb-2010 04:53 pm(no subject)
'I am always serious, never more so than when I'm being flippant'
Dr. Spock

Poll #1531702 A sliding scale of sincerity to irony.

Level of Sincerity (1 lowest, 10 highest) vs Level of Irony (1 highest, 10 lowest)

Mean: 3.75 Median: 4 Std. Dev 1.30
23rd-Feb-2010 10:21 am - In which I disapprove
Alice laughed. “There’s no use trying,” she said, “one can’t believe impossible things.”
“I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why sometimes I believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast!”

Lewis Carroll

Tim Burton's done a new adaptation of Alice in Wonderland

Now I'm usually fine with films that employ a fairly loose interpretation of the source material - I liked the movie of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy because I'm memorized most of the jokes in the books and needed it to be different so I didn't get bored - but this looks a bit rubbish. The simply because the reason the Alice in Wonderland books were so good was that they recaptured the feeling of being a child because instead of battles and things happening they included a lot of conversations that didn't make sense. And that's what being a child feels like, you're constantly standing around listening to a bunch of adults talking about things that don't make any sense to you. I remember listening to my dad and my uncle talking about routes along motorways to London and it just sounded like a crazy stream of numbers and letters to me.
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